A woman is adding flour to a bowl underneath a white stand mixer. Stock photography for depiction only.
According to YouGov, the vast majority of Americans spend Thanksgiving in their own home. Still, it's not uncommon for one family member to host, and for others to visit them and maybe contribute a dish for the effort they have gone to. Not surprisingly, figuring out who is going to take on the main responsibility of dinner and why can be one of the most common holiday controversies.
A woman felt pressure from her husband's side of the family when her mother-in-law gifted her a stand mixer for her birthday and told her that it was to prepare her for hosting Thanksgiving. The MIL then proceeded to invite 12 people to her apartment for the holiday without consulting her first.
As she hadn't been asked, and her and her husband's apartment was tiny, she declined to take up hosting duties and returned the gift to her mother-in-law. This greatly upset her, as she usually hosted, but she didn't want to do it after her husband passed. The woman's husband later admitted that his mom had told him about the plan weeks before giving the gift. Although she felt bad for her MIL, she still didn't feel like what had happened was acceptable.
Overhead view of people serving themselves turkey and pumpkin pie at a Thanksgiving table. Scene shown is a visual representation.
Am I wrong for giving my MIL her gift back after she told 12 people I'm hosting Thanksgiving?
My birthday was Thursday. My MIL got me a stand mixer which was genuinely a nice gift, I could tell she put thought into it. Then right after I opened it she goes "well now you have no excuse not to host Thanksgiving" and the table went quiet.
I laughed it off because what else are you going to do but then Friday morning she sent a group text to like 12 people saying Thanksgiving is at our place this year and to let her know what sides they're bringing.
We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. The kitchen fits maybe 2 people if one of them stands sideways. We've been married 6 years and I've never hosted anything, not once. My contribution every year is a store-bought pie, and I'll own that. My MIL has done Thanksgiving at her house every year since we got married. Her place actually has a dining room and a full kitchen and enough chairs for 14 people.
I texted her saying I never agreed to this. She just said it's already done everyone's excited, basically daring me to cancel on everyone.
A white stand mixer sitting on a counter next to some eggs. Image for illustrative purposes.
Friday night my husband admitted she'd brought this up to him weeks before my birthday, and the mixer was bought specifically so I couldn't say I don't have the right equipment. So the whole thing was planned before I even opened the box.
Saturday I drove over and gave the mixer back. I told her thank you but I can't accept something that was bought with that kind of condition on it.
She was crying when I left. When I got home I replied to the group text saying we won't be hosting and that I never agreed to it in the first place. By that evening she'd called his whole side of the family saying I threw it back in her face.
my husband told me the part he'd left out. This is the first Thanksgiving since my FIL passed in March, and his mom can't face sitting at that table without him. That's why she wanted it moved. Now she's saying she isn't doing Thanksgiving at all if it's not at our place.
He knew all of this for weeks and let me walk right into it.
He says I could have given her this one year. I keep thinking that she could have just asked.
AITA?
A woman talks with relatives while standing and holding a plate of turkey. Picture does not depict real parties.
The woman was left in a bind, with her husband in disbelief that she wouldn't do this favor for her mother-in-law. She may not usually contribute that much to the dinner, but she also wasn't in the best position to host. Also, she had been given this duty with no warning.
NTA. But your husband has just made you look like a callous fool by withholding key information.
ur husband knew the whole time and still had the nerve to say u could've given her this one year nta
Tf makes a stand mixer the required tool that makes or breaks a Thanksgiving party for a dozen people?
She should've gotten you an extra large party tent and a BBQ cuz this party's gonna be at the park.
are you mixing the turkey?
You don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.
You're MIL is grieving and can't face thanksgiving which I totaly sympathize with
You're husband found out weeks ago and could have come to you "Honey mom is really struggling with the idea of having thanksgiving at their house without Dad. Can we come up with a way to help her through it?"
Instead he didn't talk to you his wife. Conspired with his mother to attempt to manipulate you and when that failed to emotionally blackmail you.
I would offer your husband a compromise. Since he wants to "give" this year to his mom, he can host thanksgiving. He can go pick up the standmixer, figure out the menu, do all the cooking, and figure out seating arrangements for everyone else. You'll be happy to bring your store bought pie as you normally do
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